Eulogy Essentials: Crafting the Perfect Tribute
Oliver Coningham
Written by Nicky Sutton Independent Celebrant
A eulogy, sometimes referred to as a life story, is a speech that pays tribute to the person who has died, celebrating their life, achievements, and legacy. It is also a way to express your feelings and share your memories with others who knew them.
Whether to write a eulogy for a loved one or friend yourself or have a professional write it for you is a personal choice that depends on various factors, including your emotional state, writing skills, and the specific circumstances of the situation.
In the end, the choice between writing the eulogy yourself and seeking professional help depends on your comfort level, the complexity of the eulogy, and your emotional state. It is important to remember that there is no right or wrong approach. You can also choose a middle ground, where you write the eulogy yourself and then seek help from a professional Celebrant in editing or refining it, you may also want them to deliver it on the day.
The most crucial factor is to create a eulogy that genuinely honours the memory of your loved one or friend and provides comfort and closure to those who are mourning. Whether it is a personally written eulogy or one crafted with professional assistance, both can be equally meaningful and heartfelt.
How can you craft a unique, personal, and meaningful eulogy that honours the person you are saying goodbye to? Here are some tips to help you:
Start by brainstorming.
Think of the qualities, values, and passions that defined the person. What made them special? What did they love? What did they teach you? How did they touch your life and the lives of others? Write down any stories, anecdotes, quotes, or jokes that come to mind. Ask family members and friends for their input and perspectives.
Choose a theme or focus.
A eulogy does not have to cover every aspect of the person’s life, and you don’t want it to read like a CV. It can be more effective to focus on one or a few themes that capture their essence. For example, you can talk about their courage, generosity, humour, or faith or beliefs. You want to talk of the different chapters throughout their life, although you may wish to focus on a specific time, such as their childhood, career, or retirement. Or you can highlight a particular relationship, such as their role as a parent, spouse, son or daughter, friend, or mentor.
Organise your ideas.
Once you have gathered enough material, you can start to structure your eulogy. A common format is to have an introduction, a body, and a conclusion. In the introduction, you can state your name and your relationship to the person who has died, thank everyone for being there, and give a brief overview of what you are going to talk about. In the body, you can expand on your theme or focus, using stories and examples to illustrate your points, this should run in a chronological order. In the conclusion, you can summarise your main message, express your gratitude and love for the person, and say your final farewell.
Write from the heart.
A eulogy is not a formal essay or a biography. It is a personal and emotional tribute that reflects the character and personality of the person it is for. You can use humour, poetry, readings or quotes if they fit the tone and mood of your speech. You should also address the person directly, using their name or relationship to you instead of “he” or “she”. Be honest and sincere but avoid being too negative or critical. You want a balanced feel of the person, remember that you are honouring the person’s life, not judging it.
Practice.
After you have written your first draft, read it aloud and see how it sounds. You can also ask someone else to listen to it and give you feedback. Make sure that your eulogy is clear, coherent, and concise. Avoid using jargon, acronyms, or obscure references that might confuse the audience. Check for any spelling or grammatical errors. You should also time yourself and see if your eulogy fits within the allotted time frame. If it is too long or too short, you can adjust it accordingly.
Deliver with confidence.
On the day of the funeral or memorial service, prepare yourself mentally and emotionally for giving your eulogy. You might feel nervous or emotional, which is normal and understandable. Take some deep breaths and relax. Have a copy of your eulogy with you, either on paper or on a device, without your script you are likely to go off topic and lose structure and track of time. You should also have some water nearby in case you need it. Speak slowly and clearly, making eye contact with the audience. If you get choked up or forget something, don’t worry. Just pause for a moment, compose yourself and resume when you are ready. Remember that you are not alone; you are surrounded by people who care about you and the person you are honouring.
A eulogy is a beautiful way to pay tribute to someone who has died. By following these tips, you can craft a unique, personal, and meaningful eulogy that expresses your feelings and celebrates their life.
